I’m feeling frustrated with life today.
I get these moments every now and then… Especially now that I’m approaching my 30th birthday. I’m looking back, thinking of everything I was dreaming of ten years ago, and thinking how far I am from it…
I was supposed to be the one who defies all the rules of tradition. I was supposed to be the one who spends her life backpacking in the developing world, fundraising for non-profits or living as a missionary… The unconventional, unrealistic, unreasonable one.
But here I am… Far away from home but still in the Western, comfortable world. Married (which is not bad – I did find a man of my dreams and did not settle for anything less) and dreaming of owning a house, starting a family… Working random jobs that I’m more or less excited about… Trying to run a business that I’m not sure I believe in… Nothing like I was supposed to be at 30.
The question I’m trying to answer is: Is it OK? Can it not be a bad thing that life is different that anticipated? Should I feel like I’ve lost something – or should I feel like I’ve gained something I never expected? I’m not sure about the answer right now.