Time to break the silence

I’m sorry, it’s been too long.

You might remember, long time ago I mentioned about a baby on the way… I gave birth to a lovely baby boy in June. He’s now three and a half months old, outgrown many outfits and learned how to hold on to things. He’s a smiley, happy boy and lovely to hang out with. 

The first half of my pregnancy was a nightmare. I was sick all the time, sometimes throwing up from five in the morning until ten at night. There were days when I probably should have gone to the hospital but I didn’t have the strength… I’m thankful I had an understanding boss – I was calling in sick so much…

After about four months of that it got better. I wasn’t throwing up every day anymore, just feeling nauseous but it didn’t really bother me since food stayed in… And once I got to seven months I was really enjoying being pregnant. The bigger my belly grew the more beautiful I felt. I had energy, I was feeling great.

I also enjoyed giving birth. It was a long day – the labour started at 6am, Jacob was born at 9pm. Afterwards I felt like I had run two marathons back to back… But I enjoyed every moment. I gave birth at home, in a tub in our living room. And it really wasn’t that painful – there were some intense moments but overall, it was fun. I’m still working on my birth story; once I finish it I’ll post it here. I find that there are things I want to say but it’s difficult to find words.

And now I’m a mother. No matter what happens, nothing will take that away from me. I feel complete, like I’ve finally become what I was meant to be. Sure, there are moments that I don’t enjoy so much. I’ve sat on the couch at 2am, crying because I’m so tired and the boy doesn’t want to go back to sleep after feeding… I’ve yelled at my hubby for no reason just because I was too frustrated with everything and just wanted to walk away. There are times when Jacob cries and we have no idea why, nothing we do makes him stop… There are times when I just want my freedom back, I want to be able to go to places without being attached to a small person… Or when I just want to be able to finish a meal or a cup of tea while they’re still warm.

But it’s all worth it. Jacob’s smile and giggles are enough. Other people’s smiles, when they see him in the carrier, sleeping and drooling on me, are enough. And cold tea really doesn’t taste that bad.

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